Friday, June 12, 2009

....Heartaches Are Healed by the Sea......

Wow! It has been a while since I posted, but there's been nothing much to post about. Just the "end of the year" school stuff that just.about.did.me.in......and finding the new normal that is our summer schedule. (I feel like I've had a whole year of "finding new normal" though). Anyway, this is the first summer in 2 years that I have not had to do a 2 week, 8-4 everyday intense math and science workshop...so I am doing a whole lotta nothing! (Except of course the stuff I really want to do, but that's the beauty of it all....it is stuff I want to do!)



Yesterday was a hard day for us. It was Brandon and Jada's anniversary. I think it would have been number 5. I am just empty. I cannot begin to fathom what Jada is going through. I should have been babysitting so they could go on a little trip for their special day. There should have been a little Brandon-Jada baby to babysit. There should still be my sweet brother picking out just the right sparkly thing at Lon's Jewelry for his girl. But yesterday, there was just Jada, playing with her other nephews in Huntsville, babysitting someone else's children so she does not have to be at home alone on their special day. The only sparkly thing is the massive, shiny black marble of Brandon's monument in the cemetery....just 3 miles from our childhood home, as Brandon always said..."In God's country"....



The Big Prince and The Little Prince and I are at the beach. Digging our toes in the sugar white sands of our coastline. I purposefully booked the same exact condo that we were in last year just about this time. I think I wanted to reboot. To rewind. To start over. You see, last year at this time, in this same condo, while I had my toes in the same sugar white sand....I had a horrible feeling of dread. I felt like Pig Pen from Snoopy. Big Black Cloud over my head. When I think back now, I realize that I could.not.breathe.....I think I knew. Something horrendous was going to happen. I just did not know what it would be.....because I had these things going on in my life...

The Back Story-

*BFF Carol's breast cancer had returned. Something like 5 years and a month after they radiated a tiny spot. After 5 years you should be clear! We thought she could get radiation on this new spot like before. No can do. So right before I left town to come to the sugar white sands, she learned that she would have to have a mastectomy. Then, 2 days later, while I am sitting on the beach with the wind in my hair, I get the call. Not a single mastectomy.....but a double was needed.

*BFF Shannon was supposed to have a much needed breast reduction. She was in the waiting area on the gurney with the blue cap on her head...waiting to be wheeled into surgery....and they tell her they cannot operate because she is anemic. Lots of gearing up and being let down with this procedure. Shannon actually ended up running away to the beach with me (still marked up from her surgery that did not happen.........)

*My mom let it slip that she had a bad check up and had had a breast biopsy in both breasts(without telling me) and was awaiting the results of that. (Everything turned out fine for my mom so we thought we'd dodged that bullet....little did we know that we were about to be hit by a truck......)



After I got home from the beach, I had 2 weeks of AMSTI training and then right after that Brandon went into the hospital for what we thought would be a routine surgery......and we all know how that turned out.....



Fast forward to now. Same condo. Same beach. Letting go of the ghosts from the past. In some random Garth Brooks song there is a line that Heartaches Are Healed by the Sea. I cannot remember more than that, but since I got here, that line has been running through my head, over and over. I hope it's true.



I have some really wonderful things to blog about. Some super terrific happy things. But I just can't do it right now. Let's just say that I think the reboot is working. I don't have that same feeling of dread that I did last summer. Right now, I have a feeling of anticipation....and it's a good thing. More on that later........



Maybe Garth Brooks was right Princess.......just maybe he was right........

1 comment:

  1. Yes, Garth Brooks was right!!!! Miracles are heading your way!!! Let the reboot take affect so you are ready for all of God's blessings to come your way. Like I said on the phone yesterday, it is easier to know in your heart how positive blessings are going to be coming someone else's way- I know you have many heading your way. I can't wait to join you in the sugar white sands with our newest Sandy Planktons hanging on Brad's and Pat's back- the beauty and biggest miracle will be that they are connected by the Thin Red Thread!!!!

    Hugs!!!

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