He Taketh Away....and then, possibly, He Gives....

I knew once I talked to my daddy on Thursday night that I had to go "home" on Friday. September 4th....one year ago....my bigger, younger brother took his very last breath.....I could hear my mother in anguish in the background, being held and comforted by my Aunt Sarah. Daddy's voice was coarse, and gruff, and I knew he'd been crying too....

So on Friday, I went. The Big Prince took The Little Prince to school and I drove. It's not a hard drive at all. Just two hours. It is incredibly hard to do when you can't see through your tears.

My parents were glad to see me. It helped I think. Just to be there. Lots of people called. Many tears were shed....all over again. Jada went to work for a while(I was glad she was busy and not sitting at home). Around 3:00 we (Jada and her Mother, me and my parents) went to the cemetery. Jada had a beautiful arrangement. We cried some more. I could tell people had been to visit Brandon's grave because there were other things left at his monument that had not been there when I went alone on Friday morning. It was hard. I am not sure it will ever get easier. I stayed all day and drove back home very late Friday afternoon.

Right before I left, Ms. Linda called with an update on the twins due in December. It seems that there may be some discussion in favor of adoption. The birthfather and his parents are going to have a discussion with the birthmother and her grandmother and are going to share my letter with them. I just wish Ms. Linda was friends with the birthmother's family, instead of the birthfather's family. It sure gave me a lot to ponder on the drive back. And it was nice to share this possible news with my parents.

I was exhausted and went to bed almost as soon as I got home. I think I had been dreading the 4th for so long that it had taken over my mind. Someone at school today asked me how it went.... "Somewhat better than horrible and slightly less than miserable" was my answer. And if you can wrap your head around that, you'll know just how my weekend went.......