Back from a Break

And we are back! I made the blog private for a while at the request of a friend who was going through a difficult situation. Those issues, while not quite resolved, are on hold, so to speak, for a while....

and so..........

we are back in the bloggity business....

and for your viewing pleasure....

some photos of The Little Princess, who will be 4 months old on Sunday. Another wonderful thing about Sunday.....I'll only have 5 more school days left in this year.....

Better get ready for my first summer as a mommy of two, Princess, better get ready...........

Who Knew.............

that exactly one year ago I would start the blog, and that exactly one year later, our little Princess is exactly one month old? I kid you not! February 21, 2009 was my first ever blog post.....February 23, 2010 - the littlest princess is fully ingrained into our lives........

It's some kind of wonderful......

and my Heart? My Spirit? My Soul?............

Content.....

finally, Princess....finally

Proudly Presenting....

our little Princess..........

She's Here!

The little princess has arrived.....no, she does not have a real name yet.....
12:06 pm. 6 lbs, 7 oz. 19 1/2 inches. Healthy and with a head full of dark hair!

There were a few tense, second-thoughts moments, but I am 98% sure we are bringing her home. Prayers needed for "T's" confidence and strength in this matter )and for our nerves as well!)

More pictures to follow!

Countdown..........to pink!

I've been horrible at updating the blog. All is well here in limbo-land. We are officially in the 2 week wait......There are new paperwork packets and fees and notarized papers and re-do stuff everyday, but I just breathe through it and pretend that when today’s is finished that there won’t be more tomorrow! I’m very Scarlett that way…..and if I think of it in small steps, I don't get as overwhelmed.

Anyway, "T" is due on Jan 31 and if she does not go before then, the Dr. has indicated that he will induce the week of the 25th. We do not know what day. It’s hard to believe that it will actually happen (given all of the other false starts, missed opportunities and negative tests…), though she’s given me no indication that it won’t, and she has no one in her life to help her or to tell her that she’s doing the wrong thing by placing the baby for adoption…..soooooooo....

I am cautiously optimistic. It seems that ICPC (the interstate compact people) have agreed to waive "T's" home state law since the adoption will be finalized in our state. That is a whooo hooo for us since it means that our stay in "T's" state will be significantly shorter. If the hospital has rooms available we should be able to room-in with the baby. That pleases me since "T" does not want to see her. I don't want the little bit to be left in the nursery "all alone" when we have to leave to sleep.

She still has no name…..My Daddy calls her Tinkerbell and my friend Carol calls her cupcake……we just call her “the baby we MIGHT get”….Although since our lawyer's assistant is Libby and our social worker here is Lucy and the hospital social worker there is Laura and then the discharge agency lady is Liz.....you'd think that an "L" name would be in the forecast!

I don’t know what my life will look like when I know our family is complete. For the last decade +, I have always had in the back (or front) of my mind…..”when will it happen? How will it happen? What insane procedure do I need to endure to get pregnant? Is that teenager going to keep that baby? Where is my baby coming from?”

I’m probably the only person who cheers when I read that the teen birth rate is going up…..sad, I know……It will be a relief to say, at ages 41 and 42 (today for The Big Prince) that it is OVER and we are DONE……Since April of 1997 we have either been pregnant, trying to get pregnant (on our own or with extreme medical intervention), or talking with someone about their person who is pregnant and does not know what to do…..It makes me tired to think about it, but I’d start all over tomorrow if I needed to, I’d just have to have a big cry and a half bottle of Vodka first…..

It’s going to be kind of nice…..except, I will need a new obsession…… Luckily, I have to renew my national Board Certification next year, so there’s that. It should be an experience with an almost 10 year old and a 9 month old……maybe I’ll go back to school…..and further traumatize The Big Prince…….. ha!

Maybe I'll be able to put away the what if's........and just enjoy......

After all, it will be the last time Princess......the very last time.....

Have Bags....will travel.....

I have been living in a bit of the land of the overwhelmed....and I almost had a come-apart....but then I got it back together and trudged forward.

We are still "go for launch" although I have not personally talked to "T" since the visit. I have called and left messages, but have not talked to her. Libby (from the attorney's office) has talked to her though, and right now, it is more important to me that they get all of the legal mumbo-jumbo worked out. We are officially 28 days away from her due date. But I am a planner and I have had a lot of planning to do. Luckily, I have some time to get it done since I do not have to go to school until Tuesday morning, and then the children do not come until Thursday.

So, here's the list of what's been going on in my world....
1. Went to school and took down Christmas.
2. Transferred baby stuff to the small suitcase and put only a few outfits, blankets, burp cloths, etc....in the diaper bag.
3. Purchased a few new bottles and some pacifiers. (Don't judge, we are paci people)
4. Packed my suitcase with mixy-matchy clothes good for at least 10 days. Packed black shoes and new socks. All outfits will work with black shoes. The Big Prince will pack himself in about 5 minutes...
5. Put the newborn swaddler-thing in the carseat and remembered how to re thread the straps.
6. Put 2 emergency notes on the door (one reminding me to get the phone charger, camera/charger, and laptop/charger) and the other reminding me of what the Little Prince will need for school in case we schlep him off to my friend's house in the middle of the night....
7. Typed out a very extensive to do list for home, school, etc...(It is a pain having a job were you must not only replace yourself, but also your thought-process) but my good friend Carol will be my substitute and she is retired from our school. So that is a blessing and quite a relief. At least I don't have to leave a note telling her where the cafeteria is located! The to do list makes me happy. I love crossing off stuff.....
8. Have all bags, moses basket, carseat, etc.... on the guest room bed for easy pickup.
9. Wonder how Jennifer is remaining so calm? I just have one child to plan for. She has 5! Smooches to you sweetie! You deserve it!

Have bags- will travel Princess.....have bags- will travel..........

The Visit.....

Friday morning I get up and go to school. There were 17 little people there all wiggling with the EXCITEMENT.OF.CHRISTMAS.....and I was supposed to be teaching them something, but my mind was NOT on teaching anymore than their minds were on learning....It was Traditions Around the World Day and I had each of the 5 classes for a period of time. Each classroom is a different country and we teach about a tradition from that land and then rotate around.

"T" called in the middle of rotation 2 and told me it was not her gallbladder as but a severe kidney infection. IV antibiotics and a stay for the rest of the weekend at the hospital. Relief! Not only for me, but for "T" as well. I did not want her to have to have a major surgery right after being induced AND placing her baby for adoption...at Christmas. It all just seemed too much for one girl to have to bear...

On Saturday we loaded up the Little Prince, a big box of movies and a big bad of snacks and headed out to visit "T". The whole way there I kept trying to pretend that we were on a shopping trip or a vacation.....when really, the PANIC.was SETTING.IN.......

When we got there, Big and Little stayed in the car, cause Big said, "Girls don't like for anyone to see them when they've been in the hospital, especially people that they don't know!" So, I grabbed the bag of newly purchased magazines and headed out....like I knew what I was doing......and PANIC.SETS.IN.......the elevator ride was 1 floor. "Please Lord, don't let this be awkward......" I called her on the phone outside the nurses station...."Hey. I'm here. Do you mind if I come in to see you for a bit?"

Room 8, Labor and Delivery......

I walked in and hugged her. She is lovelier than in her pictures, even with a week long stay in the hospital. She keeps saying, "I cannot believe you drove all this way......" (it's about 4 hours). We had a great conversation. She was excited about the magazines....and she was going to get to go home late Saturday night or Sunday morning....oral antibiotics and rest until the baby comes. That's the protocol for now.

The chaplain comes in and introduces himself. "T" says, "This is the lady who is going to adopt the baby." Not my baby. Not my little girl. Just "the baby". In the adoption world, unattachment to the infant is good news to the ears of the adoptive parents. The chaplain turns to me and says, "Now, you teach school. What grade? Where in Alabama do you live?" Etc.....More good news. She's told him about me.

Before he leaves, he prays a lovely prayer for our girl. He asks for blessings for her two mothers. The one who will give her life and the one who will help her live a wonderful life. It was beautiful.

Big, Little and I drove home......and I for one felt a little more settled. I now have a place in my head when I think about where she will be born. It won't be new and unfamiliar when we go there again in a few short weeks. It was a good trial run.

I actually let my mother take tags off of some little pink bits of fluff. We washed the blankets and outfits. I packed the diaper bag and have it in the car. Today I got the car-seat out of storage. It will do until we get a new one. I picked out a crib online and researched bedding.....I am refusing to tell my family any names at all.....

I am cautiously excited.....and praying the the other shoe does not fall, Princess....praying that it does not fall........