12 Days.....and 7 months

It's coming at me again full force, heralded by the headline banner on the top of the sports page of the paper.....12 days til kickoff.....12 days......12 days...in 12days it will be September 4....and that means 2 years since my sweet Brandon left this earth. In some ways it feels like a million years, and in some ways it was just yesterday. I still remember in vivid detail so many things about that whole day, (well actually what I remember in vivid detail is what happened on September 3). Brandon died in the early early morning hours of September 4th....and most of the rest of that day is just a blur.....

They say that time heals all wounds. I don't really know if that is true. I do know that on most days now it is easier to breathe than it was all of last year. I know that I see dragonflies almost everyday and that they make me smile and I know it is a sign from Brandon that everything is OK. I know that I can think of him and mention him to my parents and we can laugh about something he did or said and that the conversation does not always end in tears. So, I guess some of what they say about healing is true. However, I also know that I'll see a random picture of Brandon and out of the blue my breath catches and I can FEEL him there in front of me. I want to touch the picture and FEEL his strong arms. My hands remember how his skin felt...and my heart breaks.in.two.....all over again. And when that happens, I think that they were wrong.....time does not heal the wounds......it just makes you cope a little better this year than you did the in the past....and I know that in 12 days we (my parents and I) will have the unmistakable horror of remembering it all over again.....

And today.....today my baby is 7 months old. My second miracle.....my little princess....when I look at her I know that I am blessed. I am in awe everyday when I wake up and she is here. I prayed for her for so very long...and she was SO.WORTH.THE.WAIT....I don't know what I thought she would look like before she came, but I can tell you now that when I see her....I know that she is the absolute realization of all of my hopes and dreams. This time last year, I was in mourning over the impending one year anniversary of Brandon's death. I thought life was over. Brandon on the other hand, was having a heyday in Heaven......and I am pretty sure he was watching over our sweet girl...whispering to her and telling her what a fairytale life she was about to have....

I would not know about her existance for another 3 months...but I prayed for her everyday. And I do know this....this past year with her, has made the past year without Brandon just a little more bearable......