Well, things have gotten quite interesting here since my last post. On July 17th (a week ago today), I had uterine fibroids removed from my uterus. NOT. FUN. Dear Dr. Houserman did the honors. Hopefully this will help me to be pain free...something I have NOT been in quite a while.
The bad news is that in removing the fibroids (which were much more involved than previously thought) there is little left of my uterus that would make a safe place for a baby to grow. Also, the hysteroscopy revealed that the right tube was blocked with scar tissue and the left tube was all entangled in the cyst. This was very hard for me to hear. I realize that the chances of me conceiving a baby on my own are very slim on a good day, but we have the opportunity to be blessed with 2 adopted embryos, who will be biological siblings of the adopted embryo twins being carried in my dear friend Jennifer's tummy right now! I probably would never have been so brave to seek out and adopt embryos, but Jennifer is a dynamo, and so brave! The story of the adoption of the 2 "straws", each containing 2 tiny, frozen babies, is nothing short of a miracle. After being privy to the ins and outs of her story, I am certain that there is NO such thing as a coincidence. Everything is orchestrated in God's timing. And just today, we got to see pictures of Baby A and Baby B! Amazing!
Anyway, I was looking forward to having this year to get my body ready for the sibling set of Jennifer's twins to be transferred into my uterus. However, after the news last week, I doubt very much that it will be happening.....anyone have a uterus they are not using? We will most definitely have to use a gestational carrier. Do you know how complicated that will be? Not to mention expensive.......The Big Prince does not like complicated and expensive.......(someone should have warned him about me beforehand, it seems.....)
After I got over the shock of not even being able to carry someone ELSE'S babies in my uterus, I got ticked off that I now have a 4-5 inch c-section scar, with no babies (Now, apparently, NEVER) to show for it. And if I go to the follow-up appointment on Monday and learn that she really should have done a hysterectomy, I will absolutely have a come-apart. If this surgery does not stop the pain, and I have to go through it all again, I might just lose my mind!
Since all I have done for a week is lounge around and think it all through, I have decided there is only one thing left to do...............
I just have to put one foot in front of the other. That's all I can do.
I will admit, I had myself quite the LARGE pity party all this week. And you know what?
I am over it. I am absolutely tired of being downtrodden. This last year has done me in. I know that the anniversary of Brandon's death is going to hit me hard and I will be depressed and sad again.
But I am standing up, and walking.......one foot in front of the other.......I will get through this.
Some things that I am thankful for right now:
The Big Prince is a great nurse, and is so gentle and he even dried my big mane of hair after I showered cause I could not hold the hairdryer!
My parents are at the beach (and they are looking at condos!) and they sound "normal".
The Little Prince is home again after a week with the grandparents.
Jennifer got to see the babies....and they are perfect!
I have precious friends who have offered to do anything for me while I recuperate.
Maurine is once again making all of my copies for reading. (She did the whole year for me last year.)
The Little Prince's birth (half) sister has been emailing me and wants to have contact with him.
Our agency sent me an email that they had NOT been able to show our book this month due to the demographic of birthmothers who had come into the office not matching our criteria.....why is that a thing to be thankful for? Cause I know that "not right now" does not mean "not ever" and I am giddy with anticipation for the day the phone will ring.....
So, given the options of (1) lay down and die, or (2) take one more step........
I'll go with take a step Princess......just take one more step.............