So on Thursday night, December 17, while I was bemoaning the fact that I had to go to school a full 2 days later than the rest of the free world (we got out on December 22nd at 3 pm, thank-you-very-much...)I got a text from "D", who told me that our birthmother "T" had been in the HOSPITAL since Tuesday and was very sick and would I please call her......uhhhhh, yeah........
(the reason that she had not let me know earlier is that Landon, "T's" 20 month old, had lost the cell phone with my numbers......) Just another reason that reinforces why I never let the Little Prince play with my car keys or my cell phone....
I call "T" and she sounds pitiful....and then she drops the bombshell.....they (the dr's) think it "might" be her gall bladder and if so, they will induce in a day or so and then remove her gallbladder after the baby delivers..... "T" says, "Pack a bag, your baby girl is coming soon....."
PANIC.SETS.IN.......
They are going to do an ultrasound later on that night (it was already 8 pm) and they should know by morning if they will deliver, most likely on Tuesday morning, December 22nd......as much as I want this baby out (I feel like the longer it takes the greater chance of "T" changing her mind.... 'cause remember, this is not my first rodeo...." I am in a whirl over the possibility that I will have to be away from the Little Prince on Christmas.....not that he would mind, what with all the million and five or so cousins he has to play with, along with the undivided attention he would get from Gran and Grandaddy.....but still.....
PANIC.SETS.IN.......
I start washing clothes and packing bags and PANIC.SETS.IN.......
My mother wants me to get int he car and GO! JUST GO! But I am being calm even though the PANIC.....it is SETTING.IN.......
The rest of the story coming soon.....I promise.....
Gotta go clean out some more stuff...cause the Princess is nesting, I tell you.....Nesting......
Monday, December 28, 2009
Monday, December 14, 2009
Tick Tock.....and a big commitment...
Well, a lot has happened since Thanksgiving weekend! Where to begin? The Sunday after Thanksgiving I was working quite contentedly in my first grade classroom (I know. I know. It was a Sunday. It's just what I do, OK?) :-) when the phone rang with the phone number showing the area code of where "T" lives. It was her! I was so excited. We talked for an hour and 40 minutes! It was a very easy conversation. I walked and talked and cleaned and basically did not have my feet touch the ground at.all. the entire time. Later that night, she called back and we talked for another 30 minutes. We've talked several times per week since then (and she's called me most of the time)!
The last time we talked she told me that she had been so happy since we'd found each other. She is excited about the opportunities we can offer the baby. It is easy to talk to her and we get a long well. We are trading information back and forth and learning about one another and each other's families.
Today, Libby, the atorney's assistant, told me that she had talked to "T" for a good while at the end of the week and she got a "good vibe" from "T". I trust Libby implicitly, as she was in the delivery room with us when the Little Prince was born. Libby has things in the works for all of the legal mumbo-jumbo....so it looks like we are moving forward. Whooo hooo!
I am decorating for Christmas, and each time I put something out I think,"The next time I get this out of the box.....she will be here and will be almost a year old....." I cannot wait to be the mommy of two.......
I am trying hard not to hypervenalate here.....but the excitement is almost overwhelming. I am really pushing it down and just trying to get through the next 6 days of school. Some genius decided that we should go to school until 3 pm on December 22nd......Santa Claus will be sliding down the chimney when we finally get out of school. So for now, school is my day time focus and wrapping and decorating (and cleaning) is my night time focus......One step at a time, Princess....one step at a time......
Today as I put the groceries away, I noticed the expiration date on the orange juice. I almost fainted when I realized that her due date is BEFORE the OJ expires. Considering that "T" has said she does not think she'll make it that far.....It really puts it all in perspective.....which is good I guess....cause today I bought the Baby Dreft for my High Efficiency washer.....if that's not a big committment Princess- I don't know what is!
The last time we talked she told me that she had been so happy since we'd found each other. She is excited about the opportunities we can offer the baby. It is easy to talk to her and we get a long well. We are trading information back and forth and learning about one another and each other's families.
Today, Libby, the atorney's assistant, told me that she had talked to "T" for a good while at the end of the week and she got a "good vibe" from "T". I trust Libby implicitly, as she was in the delivery room with us when the Little Prince was born. Libby has things in the works for all of the legal mumbo-jumbo....so it looks like we are moving forward. Whooo hooo!
I am decorating for Christmas, and each time I put something out I think,"The next time I get this out of the box.....she will be here and will be almost a year old....." I cannot wait to be the mommy of two.......
I am trying hard not to hypervenalate here.....but the excitement is almost overwhelming. I am really pushing it down and just trying to get through the next 6 days of school. Some genius decided that we should go to school until 3 pm on December 22nd......Santa Claus will be sliding down the chimney when we finally get out of school. So for now, school is my day time focus and wrapping and decorating (and cleaning) is my night time focus......One step at a time, Princess....one step at a time......
Today as I put the groceries away, I noticed the expiration date on the orange juice. I almost fainted when I realized that her due date is BEFORE the OJ expires. Considering that "T" has said she does not think she'll make it that far.....It really puts it all in perspective.....which is good I guess....cause today I bought the Baby Dreft for my High Efficiency washer.....if that's not a big committment Princess- I don't know what is!
Tuesday, November 24, 2009
.......Guarding my Heart..........
Well, it appears that this adoption situation might just be a GO! I know! I know! I am so excited that I think I am dreaming most of the time. My mother and my Aunt Joy have busted out the four bags of new, pink and frilly from the top of Brandon's closet. Aunt Joy even went shopping.....
I have talked to "D" (the grandmother) and "T" is due on January 31st. So, she is just about 30 weeks now. Still way too early for the baby to come. They did get her contractions stopped. She was dehydrated from being sick, so several IV fluids and shots later, she got to go home.
My Aunt Joy texted "D" the other day and then forwarded the conversation to me. Here's what was said: And I quote……..”(from "D" the grandmother) I have been working so many hours that I have not checked the email. I will tonight though. Joy, she (the Princess) is such a blessing to us. I am glad we have found her. "T" is very happy. We both are. We are happy and sad, but this little girl is going to have a mother/father who love her very much and will give her a beautiful life. I am glad we found each other. I believe it was meant to be. I can’t wait to meet her and her husband.”
Sounds good doesn't it? I was hoping to travel to meet her this week, but that may not be in the cards since Thanksgiving is such a busy time. I have emailed her pictures and our KidsLife Magazine article. We hope to meet with "D and T" soon.
I got out the baby name books, but I have not opened them yet. Mother and Aunt Joy can shop and plan all they want. My Mother seriously drove 45 minutes away to the fabric store to pick out pink ribbon for the moses basket she has at her house! Unfortunatley, this is not my "first rodeo" with someone's friend/granddaughter/girlfriend/niece who is pregnant and does not know what to do, so it is a little hard for me to get super excited. My friend Jennifer (also 30 weeks with the amazing embryo-adopted twins) calls this "guarding my heart"........She is so right.
When I think that in 70ish days (if she goes to term) that the WAIT might be over and the rest of my life can begin.....I get a little sick. Not sick that it is happening.....sick that it might NOT......
So, until then, I am letting everyone else celebrate and plan and shop.....I'm just going to keep guarding my heart Princess....I'll just keep guarding my heart....
I have talked to "D" (the grandmother) and "T" is due on January 31st. So, she is just about 30 weeks now. Still way too early for the baby to come. They did get her contractions stopped. She was dehydrated from being sick, so several IV fluids and shots later, she got to go home.
My Aunt Joy texted "D" the other day and then forwarded the conversation to me. Here's what was said: And I quote……..”(from "D" the grandmother) I have been working so many hours that I have not checked the email. I will tonight though. Joy, she (the Princess) is such a blessing to us. I am glad we have found her. "T" is very happy. We both are. We are happy and sad, but this little girl is going to have a mother/father who love her very much and will give her a beautiful life. I am glad we found each other. I believe it was meant to be. I can’t wait to meet her and her husband.”
Sounds good doesn't it? I was hoping to travel to meet her this week, but that may not be in the cards since Thanksgiving is such a busy time. I have emailed her pictures and our KidsLife Magazine article. We hope to meet with "D and T" soon.
I got out the baby name books, but I have not opened them yet. Mother and Aunt Joy can shop and plan all they want. My Mother seriously drove 45 minutes away to the fabric store to pick out pink ribbon for the moses basket she has at her house! Unfortunatley, this is not my "first rodeo" with someone's friend/granddaughter/girlfriend/niece who is pregnant and does not know what to do, so it is a little hard for me to get super excited. My friend Jennifer (also 30 weeks with the amazing embryo-adopted twins) calls this "guarding my heart"........She is so right.
When I think that in 70ish days (if she goes to term) that the WAIT might be over and the rest of my life can begin.....I get a little sick. Not sick that it is happening.....sick that it might NOT......
So, until then, I am letting everyone else celebrate and plan and shop.....I'm just going to keep guarding my heart Princess....I'll just keep guarding my heart....
Tuesday, November 17, 2009
Undone.............
Today by a small miracle, I heard/felt my phone buzzing in my teacher bag at 3:00. No small feat, given the school that I work in has metal support studs and a metal roof. I am lucky if I can get a signal standing right outside the building....
Anyway, my Aunt Joy was on the line......"Do you still want a baby?" she says to me when I answer....."Always" was my immediate reply.
Deana (her daughter, my cousin) has a friend whose daughter is pregnant, in labor and does not want to raise the baby. She's already had one that her mother is raising....."Give me Deana's phone number!" I cut Aunt Joy off in mid sentence....
Grab a post it pad and pen and out the door to the sidewalk I go. Call Deana. Get the scoop.
"T" is not due til the end of December. The baby is a GIRL. Having contractions. 1 cm dilated, wants to make an adoption plan. Has no idea how to do so.
Give Deana all the details to relay to "T" and her mother who is raising the first-born. "T's" mom is all in on the adoption plan....Deana relays information and passes the phone number of "D" ("T's" mother and the new baby's grandmother) Grandmother "D" asks that I wait til she gets to the hospital and finds out what is what before I call. She does really want to talk to me.....
It is now 8:30 pm. Have texted Deana back and forth. She's texted grandma "D" and has not heard back. We do not know if the baby is coming or if they have stopped labor. The pregnancy calendar says that she should be about 33 weeks and that the lungs "should be" developed..... I cannot bear to call and interrupt and cannot bear to wait for the all clear to call.....
I am coming undone.....
Last night (ahemm. this morning) I only slept from 2:30 am-5:45 am. I wondered why. Now I know. Quite possibly I was in labor. :-) Damn adoptions. That's the thing.....you don't get 9 months. Sometimes you just get a heartbeat, a moment in time, a phone call away and then you are on the slippery slope to what if...........
Could this be it? Could it be? I am coming undone.......
But for now, this Princess with grit in her eyes from lack of sleep is taking the post it note pad, the pen and the phone, and is doing what any woman in waiting does.....she's going to bed.....(but not before she's charged the camera, gotten the moses basket and the few little girl clothes and blankets ready to grab at a moments notice, remembered where the infant car seat is stored, and mentally arranged her packing list, googled the city where "T" lives (one state away), all the while saying lots of prayers.....
No matter how this one turns out...........there's a baby coming......and she needs our prayers.........
Cause the story of where she'll be raised has already been written Princess.....it's already been written.....
Anyway, my Aunt Joy was on the line......"Do you still want a baby?" she says to me when I answer....."Always" was my immediate reply.
Deana (her daughter, my cousin) has a friend whose daughter is pregnant, in labor and does not want to raise the baby. She's already had one that her mother is raising....."Give me Deana's phone number!" I cut Aunt Joy off in mid sentence....
Grab a post it pad and pen and out the door to the sidewalk I go. Call Deana. Get the scoop.
"T" is not due til the end of December. The baby is a GIRL. Having contractions. 1 cm dilated, wants to make an adoption plan. Has no idea how to do so.
Give Deana all the details to relay to "T" and her mother who is raising the first-born. "T's" mom is all in on the adoption plan....Deana relays information and passes the phone number of "D" ("T's" mother and the new baby's grandmother) Grandmother "D" asks that I wait til she gets to the hospital and finds out what is what before I call. She does really want to talk to me.....
It is now 8:30 pm. Have texted Deana back and forth. She's texted grandma "D" and has not heard back. We do not know if the baby is coming or if they have stopped labor. The pregnancy calendar says that she should be about 33 weeks and that the lungs "should be" developed..... I cannot bear to call and interrupt and cannot bear to wait for the all clear to call.....
I am coming undone.....
Last night (ahemm. this morning) I only slept from 2:30 am-5:45 am. I wondered why. Now I know. Quite possibly I was in labor. :-) Damn adoptions. That's the thing.....you don't get 9 months. Sometimes you just get a heartbeat, a moment in time, a phone call away and then you are on the slippery slope to what if...........
Could this be it? Could it be? I am coming undone.......
But for now, this Princess with grit in her eyes from lack of sleep is taking the post it note pad, the pen and the phone, and is doing what any woman in waiting does.....she's going to bed.....(but not before she's charged the camera, gotten the moses basket and the few little girl clothes and blankets ready to grab at a moments notice, remembered where the infant car seat is stored, and mentally arranged her packing list, googled the city where "T" lives (one state away), all the while saying lots of prayers.....
No matter how this one turns out...........there's a baby coming......and she needs our prayers.........
Cause the story of where she'll be raised has already been written Princess.....it's already been written.....
Saturday, November 14, 2009
Being Thankful............
Lately, on Facebook, lots of people have been posting a thankful status update and are challenging everyone to do so each day until Thanksgiving.....
Made me start to think about being thankful...........
I am thankful for my parents. I am thankful that they are moving forwand in life and that we can all talk about Brandon and laugh and smile and still sometimes cry. But I am thankful that they are beginning to be able to function again....
I am thankful that each and every time I think about Brandon, I see him with a smile and I can still hear his laugh......I pray that I always will be able to do so.....
I am thankful for The Big Prince and the Little Prince....and all that being a wife and mommy entails.......
I am thankful that barring a catastrophy, I will spend another Thanksgiving surrounded by my grandparents and our large and loud family....and that this year we have another little one to love. My cousin's son, Ryder Brandon O'Neal Page will spend his first Thanksgiving with us......
I am thankful that I love the school where I teach (and where the Little Prince goes to school) and that I have the best co-workers and Principal and that our commute to school is only 5 minutes.......
I am thankful that when I awake in the middle of the night and cannot go back to sleep (which happens more often than not) I hear a whisper in my head to pray, and I do pray for an ever increasing list of friends and family.....and I am thankful that God still works miracles and we get to see them.......
I am thankful that my sweet friend Jennifer is still healthy and happy carrying the miracle twins, nestled safe under her heart, given life through the amazing process of embryo adoption.....
I am thankful that our sweet adoption agency is working hard to find the right baby for us to love........
I am thankful that a random reporter from the Tuscaloosa News called us last week and will run a 3 part article featuring us as an adoptive couple (the other parts will be from the perspective of an adopted person and of a birthmother) and they have agreed to include our email address! The article runs tomorrow.....
I am thankful for Fall Break which begins for 10 glorious days next Friday at 3 pm.....
For this and so much more, so thankfull Princess......so thankful.......
Made me start to think about being thankful...........
I am thankful for my parents. I am thankful that they are moving forwand in life and that we can all talk about Brandon and laugh and smile and still sometimes cry. But I am thankful that they are beginning to be able to function again....
I am thankful that each and every time I think about Brandon, I see him with a smile and I can still hear his laugh......I pray that I always will be able to do so.....
I am thankful for The Big Prince and the Little Prince....and all that being a wife and mommy entails.......
I am thankful that barring a catastrophy, I will spend another Thanksgiving surrounded by my grandparents and our large and loud family....and that this year we have another little one to love. My cousin's son, Ryder Brandon O'Neal Page will spend his first Thanksgiving with us......
I am thankful that I love the school where I teach (and where the Little Prince goes to school) and that I have the best co-workers and Principal and that our commute to school is only 5 minutes.......
I am thankful that when I awake in the middle of the night and cannot go back to sleep (which happens more often than not) I hear a whisper in my head to pray, and I do pray for an ever increasing list of friends and family.....and I am thankful that God still works miracles and we get to see them.......
I am thankful that my sweet friend Jennifer is still healthy and happy carrying the miracle twins, nestled safe under her heart, given life through the amazing process of embryo adoption.....
I am thankful that our sweet adoption agency is working hard to find the right baby for us to love........
I am thankful that a random reporter from the Tuscaloosa News called us last week and will run a 3 part article featuring us as an adoptive couple (the other parts will be from the perspective of an adopted person and of a birthmother) and they have agreed to include our email address! The article runs tomorrow.....
I am thankful for Fall Break which begins for 10 glorious days next Friday at 3 pm.....
For this and so much more, so thankfull Princess......so thankful.......
Tuesday, October 27, 2009
Second best feels kind of like the first loser............
I've been promising my mother for a while that I would call Suzanne at our agency to ask how "everything" was going. I've also been putting it off for a while....I am not sure why really, except that I was afraid that no news was...no news....
Anyway, our agency is small and when I called today I was able to talk directly to Suzanne (who answered the phone). She said that we'd been on her mind a lot lately(Good thing) And that they have shown our book a lot! (This agency does not tell you when you are being shown, only when you are matched, but I can call every other month or so to check in). She said that it was one of the best books (they only work with 10 couples at a time) the agency had and everyone who saw it just loved it. I was all excited about these praises, and then, I was like, "Wait a minute! If you are showing it and everyone loves it....why have we not been picked?" Well.......it seems that we are every one's SECOND choice. She did say that she'd had two ladies who "agonized" over the choice for a weekend each, but who ultimately picked another couple. Why? Because the other couples do not have children yet and we have the Little Prince. AUUUUGGGHHHHHHHH! No matter that he just turned NINE years old and we will be starting over....brand spanking new on everything! I told her that as much as I want a new baby, I was not trading in the first one! ha! She told me to be patient and that she was confident that our baby was coming soon. In fact, she reminded me that she and her own sister are 10 years apart. I asked her to tell these ladies that story when they come in. She promised that she would. She is always so positive and I guess I would have rather heard this news than, "No, we have not shown your book in months......" but still...........
I am trying to remain positive, but second best feels like the first loser Princess....it really does........
Anyway, our agency is small and when I called today I was able to talk directly to Suzanne (who answered the phone). She said that we'd been on her mind a lot lately(Good thing) And that they have shown our book a lot! (This agency does not tell you when you are being shown, only when you are matched, but I can call every other month or so to check in). She said that it was one of the best books (they only work with 10 couples at a time) the agency had and everyone who saw it just loved it. I was all excited about these praises, and then, I was like, "Wait a minute! If you are showing it and everyone loves it....why have we not been picked?" Well.......it seems that we are every one's SECOND choice. She did say that she'd had two ladies who "agonized" over the choice for a weekend each, but who ultimately picked another couple. Why? Because the other couples do not have children yet and we have the Little Prince. AUUUUGGGHHHHHHHH! No matter that he just turned NINE years old and we will be starting over....brand spanking new on everything! I told her that as much as I want a new baby, I was not trading in the first one! ha! She told me to be patient and that she was confident that our baby was coming soon. In fact, she reminded me that she and her own sister are 10 years apart. I asked her to tell these ladies that story when they come in. She promised that she would. She is always so positive and I guess I would have rather heard this news than, "No, we have not shown your book in months......" but still...........
I am trying to remain positive, but second best feels like the first loser Princess....it really does........
Monday, October 12, 2009
Entrusted......
So today I was reading a blog post by Sophie (who had just attended the Beth Moore Conference in Memphis, TN)and she was talking about how God had ENTRUSTED her with certain challenges. What a new way to look at these challenges we've been given.... Instead of "Why me?"....what about....."Wow! I am ENTRUSTED with this task...."
As a teacher, I entrust tasks that need to be handled with care to a very certain few students. I know I can trust them to get to the office and back without losing all of the mail/announcements from my box....I know exactly who I can trust to take ALL of the lunch money to the office that is in the WAY BACK of the cafeteria....I know who I can trust.....
What if God is looking at us as his little classroom helpers in this big ol' world? That just changes everything! He believed in ME enough to trust that I would leave Memphis and move to Alabama, and humble myself and give it all to Him.....when I did, he ENTRUSTED me to become The Little Prince's mommy. He knew that I was the only one with whom he could ENTRUST the care and well being of that little miracle.
And my sweet friend, Jennifer......God ENTRUSTED her to travel half-way around the globe, many many times over.....to become the mommy to four precious Russian blessings.....He ENTRUSTED her to adopt again domestically....a child with "special medical needs" because He ENTRUSTED that she and Pat could get the medical attention that our sweet girl needed. He is ENTRUSTING them again as Jennifer nurtures twins in her very own womb.....twins, not of her own flesh, but of a long time of prayer from her heart.
He is ENTRUSTING me with infertility, not to condem me or to give me shame or hurt, but because He knows that I will move forward and adopt a child who needs me. He trusts that I will wait until His perfect timing is evident.....
That's pretty powerful. Not everyone can be ENTRUSTED with infertility. I know. I have seen and I have heard. Some lose faith. Some decide to live childless. Some turn away.....and then, there are some who move forward.......
It sort of takes on a whole new meaning, there doesn't it, infertile friends? We are ENTRUSTED to bear this burden..... To carry this task until completion.....we are ENTRUSTED to be still and know......
And if there is one thing I know for sure.....It's that you won't ever be ENTRUSTED with something that God thinks you might not be able to handle......
Standing a little taller Princess.....standing a little taller.......
As a teacher, I entrust tasks that need to be handled with care to a very certain few students. I know I can trust them to get to the office and back without losing all of the mail/announcements from my box....I know exactly who I can trust to take ALL of the lunch money to the office that is in the WAY BACK of the cafeteria....I know who I can trust.....
What if God is looking at us as his little classroom helpers in this big ol' world? That just changes everything! He believed in ME enough to trust that I would leave Memphis and move to Alabama, and humble myself and give it all to Him.....when I did, he ENTRUSTED me to become The Little Prince's mommy. He knew that I was the only one with whom he could ENTRUST the care and well being of that little miracle.
And my sweet friend, Jennifer......God ENTRUSTED her to travel half-way around the globe, many many times over.....to become the mommy to four precious Russian blessings.....He ENTRUSTED her to adopt again domestically....a child with "special medical needs" because He ENTRUSTED that she and Pat could get the medical attention that our sweet girl needed. He is ENTRUSTING them again as Jennifer nurtures twins in her very own womb.....twins, not of her own flesh, but of a long time of prayer from her heart.
He is ENTRUSTING me with infertility, not to condem me or to give me shame or hurt, but because He knows that I will move forward and adopt a child who needs me. He trusts that I will wait until His perfect timing is evident.....
That's pretty powerful. Not everyone can be ENTRUSTED with infertility. I know. I have seen and I have heard. Some lose faith. Some decide to live childless. Some turn away.....and then, there are some who move forward.......
It sort of takes on a whole new meaning, there doesn't it, infertile friends? We are ENTRUSTED to bear this burden..... To carry this task until completion.....we are ENTRUSTED to be still and know......
And if there is one thing I know for sure.....It's that you won't ever be ENTRUSTED with something that God thinks you might not be able to handle......
Standing a little taller Princess.....standing a little taller.......
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