First the death of Ed McMahon......
then Farrah Faucett.........
now, in the same day, Michael Jackson.......
What a strange week indeed. Can you imagine the scene with St. Peter? And let's pray they all know our Lord and are actually at the Pearly Gates..............
News of Michael's death brought me right back to Gordon Elementary about 16 years ago. I was a kindergarten teacher in a very inner-city school. In fact, I was the first white lady many of my school children had ever seen, much less had direct contact with on a daily basis. I no longer remember the names or the faces of the two children with whom the following conversation ensued.....but it is one that's repeated in my family any time Michael Jackson is mentioned......
Child 1: "Miaah Beh-REE....tell him dat Michael Jackson wah black when he be little and now he be big an' he be white....."
Child 2: (looks at me expectantly)
Me: "Well, that's how it looks, now isn't it?"
The Little Prince comes through the bedroom just now where CNN is reporting this breaking news......he pauses, then looks at me and says, "Momma, was Michael Jackson famous?"
The Big Prince and I look at each other astounded. "Yes, baby, he was...."
What a difference a decade makes Princess....what a difference it makes......
Thursday, June 25, 2009
Friday, June 19, 2009
It's All About Attitude......
Our beach trip was great! I really felt refreshed and renewed. The boys even went to play putt putt golf one day and left me for 4 glorious hours on the beach. Alone. What a gift. It has been ages since I was able to sit on the beach and not worry about anyone but myself. I stared at the clouds. I stared at the sea. I played in the sand and wondered at the marvel of the tons of shells that were present. Some big and broken. Some incredibly tiny and perfect in their efficiency. I marveled and imagined about the creatures who once lived in them. I wondered if I was the first person to ever touch that particular shell. I thought about all this and I thought about nothing at all.
When we came back to town, we had a few days and then The Little Prince went to the grandparent's house for the weekend. I am attending a teacher conference with 2 great teacher friends today and Saturday. So, while the Big One was taking the Little One to meet the grandparents, I took myself to get a mani/pedi using a gift certificate that a sweet student got me for an end of the year gift.
Picture this.......
Two chairs over, there is a granny having a pedicure. She is frail and white haired. He hair is styled and fluffed. She has on black and white gingham checked capris and a t-shirt. She shakes a slight bit as if she is developing Parkinson's. Her daughter and the manicurist are discussing how granny is not able to cut her toenails anymore. The daughter has been doing this for her mom, but decided that they can come to the nail place and have a pedicure together each month and spend a special day together. Granny is hard of hearing so everything needs to be repeated loudly so she can be part of the conversation. I am half reading a book, half listening to their conversation, half watching the travel channel on TV.......I am wondering if my own granny might enjoy a mani/pedi on occasion.....
It's time for me to move to the manicure chair.....
I take one last admiring glance at granny....
On her black T-shirt in rhinestone letters.....it said, "It's 5 o'clock somewhere"......complete with a rhinestone martini glass......
It's all about attitude Princess....it's all about attitude........
When we came back to town, we had a few days and then The Little Prince went to the grandparent's house for the weekend. I am attending a teacher conference with 2 great teacher friends today and Saturday. So, while the Big One was taking the Little One to meet the grandparents, I took myself to get a mani/pedi using a gift certificate that a sweet student got me for an end of the year gift.
Picture this.......
Two chairs over, there is a granny having a pedicure. She is frail and white haired. He hair is styled and fluffed. She has on black and white gingham checked capris and a t-shirt. She shakes a slight bit as if she is developing Parkinson's. Her daughter and the manicurist are discussing how granny is not able to cut her toenails anymore. The daughter has been doing this for her mom, but decided that they can come to the nail place and have a pedicure together each month and spend a special day together. Granny is hard of hearing so everything needs to be repeated loudly so she can be part of the conversation. I am half reading a book, half listening to their conversation, half watching the travel channel on TV.......I am wondering if my own granny might enjoy a mani/pedi on occasion.....
It's time for me to move to the manicure chair.....
I take one last admiring glance at granny....
On her black T-shirt in rhinestone letters.....it said, "It's 5 o'clock somewhere"......complete with a rhinestone martini glass......
It's all about attitude Princess....it's all about attitude........
Friday, June 12, 2009
....Heartaches Are Healed by the Sea......
Wow! It has been a while since I posted, but there's been nothing much to post about. Just the "end of the year" school stuff that just.about.did.me.in......and finding the new normal that is our summer schedule. (I feel like I've had a whole year of "finding new normal" though). Anyway, this is the first summer in 2 years that I have not had to do a 2 week, 8-4 everyday intense math and science workshop...so I am doing a whole lotta nothing! (Except of course the stuff I really want to do, but that's the beauty of it all....it is stuff I want to do!)
Yesterday was a hard day for us. It was Brandon and Jada's anniversary. I think it would have been number 5. I am just empty. I cannot begin to fathom what Jada is going through. I should have been babysitting so they could go on a little trip for their special day. There should have been a little Brandon-Jada baby to babysit. There should still be my sweet brother picking out just the right sparkly thing at Lon's Jewelry for his girl. But yesterday, there was just Jada, playing with her other nephews in Huntsville, babysitting someone else's children so she does not have to be at home alone on their special day. The only sparkly thing is the massive, shiny black marble of Brandon's monument in the cemetery....just 3 miles from our childhood home, as Brandon always said..."In God's country"....
The Big Prince and The Little Prince and I are at the beach. Digging our toes in the sugar white sands of our coastline. I purposefully booked the same exact condo that we were in last year just about this time. I think I wanted to reboot. To rewind. To start over. You see, last year at this time, in this same condo, while I had my toes in the same sugar white sand....I had a horrible feeling of dread. I felt like Pig Pen from Snoopy. Big Black Cloud over my head. When I think back now, I realize that I could.not.breathe.....I think I knew. Something horrendous was going to happen. I just did not know what it would be.....because I had these things going on in my life...
The Back Story-
*BFF Carol's breast cancer had returned. Something like 5 years and a month after they radiated a tiny spot. After 5 years you should be clear! We thought she could get radiation on this new spot like before. No can do. So right before I left town to come to the sugar white sands, she learned that she would have to have a mastectomy. Then, 2 days later, while I am sitting on the beach with the wind in my hair, I get the call. Not a single mastectomy.....but a double was needed.
*BFF Shannon was supposed to have a much needed breast reduction. She was in the waiting area on the gurney with the blue cap on her head...waiting to be wheeled into surgery....and they tell her they cannot operate because she is anemic. Lots of gearing up and being let down with this procedure. Shannon actually ended up running away to the beach with me (still marked up from her surgery that did not happen.........)
*My mom let it slip that she had a bad check up and had had a breast biopsy in both breasts(without telling me) and was awaiting the results of that. (Everything turned out fine for my mom so we thought we'd dodged that bullet....little did we know that we were about to be hit by a truck......)
After I got home from the beach, I had 2 weeks of AMSTI training and then right after that Brandon went into the hospital for what we thought would be a routine surgery......and we all know how that turned out.....
Fast forward to now. Same condo. Same beach. Letting go of the ghosts from the past. In some random Garth Brooks song there is a line that Heartaches Are Healed by the Sea. I cannot remember more than that, but since I got here, that line has been running through my head, over and over. I hope it's true.
I have some really wonderful things to blog about. Some super terrific happy things. But I just can't do it right now. Let's just say that I think the reboot is working. I don't have that same feeling of dread that I did last summer. Right now, I have a feeling of anticipation....and it's a good thing. More on that later........
Maybe Garth Brooks was right Princess.......just maybe he was right........
Yesterday was a hard day for us. It was Brandon and Jada's anniversary. I think it would have been number 5. I am just empty. I cannot begin to fathom what Jada is going through. I should have been babysitting so they could go on a little trip for their special day. There should have been a little Brandon-Jada baby to babysit. There should still be my sweet brother picking out just the right sparkly thing at Lon's Jewelry for his girl. But yesterday, there was just Jada, playing with her other nephews in Huntsville, babysitting someone else's children so she does not have to be at home alone on their special day. The only sparkly thing is the massive, shiny black marble of Brandon's monument in the cemetery....just 3 miles from our childhood home, as Brandon always said..."In God's country"....
The Big Prince and The Little Prince and I are at the beach. Digging our toes in the sugar white sands of our coastline. I purposefully booked the same exact condo that we were in last year just about this time. I think I wanted to reboot. To rewind. To start over. You see, last year at this time, in this same condo, while I had my toes in the same sugar white sand....I had a horrible feeling of dread. I felt like Pig Pen from Snoopy. Big Black Cloud over my head. When I think back now, I realize that I could.not.breathe.....I think I knew. Something horrendous was going to happen. I just did not know what it would be.....because I had these things going on in my life...
The Back Story-
*BFF Carol's breast cancer had returned. Something like 5 years and a month after they radiated a tiny spot. After 5 years you should be clear! We thought she could get radiation on this new spot like before. No can do. So right before I left town to come to the sugar white sands, she learned that she would have to have a mastectomy. Then, 2 days later, while I am sitting on the beach with the wind in my hair, I get the call. Not a single mastectomy.....but a double was needed.
*BFF Shannon was supposed to have a much needed breast reduction. She was in the waiting area on the gurney with the blue cap on her head...waiting to be wheeled into surgery....and they tell her they cannot operate because she is anemic. Lots of gearing up and being let down with this procedure. Shannon actually ended up running away to the beach with me (still marked up from her surgery that did not happen.........)
*My mom let it slip that she had a bad check up and had had a breast biopsy in both breasts(without telling me) and was awaiting the results of that. (Everything turned out fine for my mom so we thought we'd dodged that bullet....little did we know that we were about to be hit by a truck......)
After I got home from the beach, I had 2 weeks of AMSTI training and then right after that Brandon went into the hospital for what we thought would be a routine surgery......and we all know how that turned out.....
Fast forward to now. Same condo. Same beach. Letting go of the ghosts from the past. In some random Garth Brooks song there is a line that Heartaches Are Healed by the Sea. I cannot remember more than that, but since I got here, that line has been running through my head, over and over. I hope it's true.
I have some really wonderful things to blog about. Some super terrific happy things. But I just can't do it right now. Let's just say that I think the reboot is working. I don't have that same feeling of dread that I did last summer. Right now, I have a feeling of anticipation....and it's a good thing. More on that later........
Maybe Garth Brooks was right Princess.......just maybe he was right........
Sunday, May 10, 2009
Happy Mother's Day
Well.... a lot has happened since my last post. The birthmother did not choose us. She chose the other couple instead. It was a 50/50 shot. My extended family feels like she chose the wrong couple. They feel like we were rejected. They feel like we lost. I, on the other hand, do not. (Are you amazed at that? Cause I am, just a little......) Suzanne from the agency said that "S" spent a long, long time with our album. She loved the Little Prince. Thought he would be a wonderful big brother. Thought he was so handsome. Loved the fact that both Big and Little Princes are adopted. Loved that we had taken this baby, this child, this miracle not of our flesh and had given him "the dream" that all birthmothers dream for the babies that they carry. Here it was, documented in photos and in words poured straight from my heart. She could see that we would love this baby and give it all that she was unable to provide at this time......yet, she chose the other couple. "WHY??" asks my family.............
I'll tell you why. When she looked at our album, she saw all of the things listed above and more. When she looked at the album of the other couple, she saw a love of playing the guitar (the birthfather plays the guitar), she saw an adoptive couple who have a military background (her own daddy is in the military), in short, she saw "signs"........Signs that said to her, "this is the family I get to create for may baby". They value the things I value. There is comfort in the familiar. The other couple was familiar to her, even though she was meeting them just then for the first time in the pages of their album.
Don't we all look for signs? I know I do. I thought it was a sign that this baby was 1/4 Asian and I've dreamed of a little girl from China for so long. I thought it was a sign that this baby was conceived in September, when we were losing my brother Brandon. I thought it was a sign that I have prayed for this adoption to be quick and "S" was due in June. I thought it was a sign when I read my devotion for Friday and the verse was about praying for a child.....So why then, am I OK that we are NOT getting this child?
When Suzanne called and said that "S" had picked the other couple (and told me the reasons why) I was instantly filled with peace. I was reminded of the episode of "Friends" when Rachel took the pregnancy test and Phoebe read the results and told Rachel that it was negative. Rachel tried to put on the brave face, but it was obvious to everyone that she was sad to not be pregnant. When Phoebe revealed the real result (positive) Rachel was overjoyed. When she asked Phoebe why she did that, Phoebe said, "Now you know how you really feel about being pregnant."
When I got told "Not this time." I knew in that instant how I REALLY felt about it. I was OK. Really OK. See, I was already regretting the fact that I was not going to get to take time off from work to love on this baby. If he/she came in June, I'd still have to go back to work in August. I'd only have a month at home. This sounds like a good chunk of time until you are really in it and are also "getting ready for school to start" at the same time you are trying to bond with a baby that did not grow in your body. I know that I would have started school exhausted and feeling like I got cheated from giving my undivided attention to this new little one. God knows the desires of our hearts, and that is evidenced by His plan in this situation. I did not even KNOW I felt this way, until we were told, "Not this time." It is lovely how God handles everything when I just give up control to Him. I am trying more and more to be still and do just that.
Today is Mother's Day. I am so thankful to "C", who made me a mother 8 short years ago. She did for me what medical science could not. She made me a mommy. I am thankful today for "S" who chose the other couple. Who are delighting in the fact that today holds a new meaning for them.....because their new baby is about 1 month away. I am thankful and in constant prayer for our "new" birthmother, where ever she is, who ever she is........we don't know one another yet....but we will soon......because I feel certain that our child has already been conceived and will be revealed to us in good time. I am thankful for my own mother, who spent this Mother's Day as her first without her 35 year old baby boy saying, "The Mom....Happy Mother's Day!" and to me, you know that "Mom loves me best!" (the running joke between the two of us), and for my sweet, sweet Granny, who's 78th birthday is today. And we pray that what makes her mind slip further away and confuses her more and more holds off for many more years.........I am thankful form my cousin Marc and his wife Crystal, who cautiously stand pregnant at 15 weeks, the longest she's ever carried to date, and whose every breath is careful and measured lest this baby goes to Heaven early like the others........and I am thankful for my many sweet friends, each on different legs of their journey into motherhood, and for those special bonds we share.
Proverbs 31:28-30 "Her children arise and call her blessed; her husband also, and he blesses her: 'Many women do noble things, but you surpass them all.' Charm is deceptive and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised. Give her the reward she has earned, and let her works bring her praise at the city gate."
Striving to do the noble thing Princess.......striving to do the noble thing...........
I'll tell you why. When she looked at our album, she saw all of the things listed above and more. When she looked at the album of the other couple, she saw a love of playing the guitar (the birthfather plays the guitar), she saw an adoptive couple who have a military background (her own daddy is in the military), in short, she saw "signs"........Signs that said to her, "this is the family I get to create for may baby". They value the things I value. There is comfort in the familiar. The other couple was familiar to her, even though she was meeting them just then for the first time in the pages of their album.
Don't we all look for signs? I know I do. I thought it was a sign that this baby was 1/4 Asian and I've dreamed of a little girl from China for so long. I thought it was a sign that this baby was conceived in September, when we were losing my brother Brandon. I thought it was a sign that I have prayed for this adoption to be quick and "S" was due in June. I thought it was a sign when I read my devotion for Friday and the verse was about praying for a child.....So why then, am I OK that we are NOT getting this child?
When Suzanne called and said that "S" had picked the other couple (and told me the reasons why) I was instantly filled with peace. I was reminded of the episode of "Friends" when Rachel took the pregnancy test and Phoebe read the results and told Rachel that it was negative. Rachel tried to put on the brave face, but it was obvious to everyone that she was sad to not be pregnant. When Phoebe revealed the real result (positive) Rachel was overjoyed. When she asked Phoebe why she did that, Phoebe said, "Now you know how you really feel about being pregnant."
When I got told "Not this time." I knew in that instant how I REALLY felt about it. I was OK. Really OK. See, I was already regretting the fact that I was not going to get to take time off from work to love on this baby. If he/she came in June, I'd still have to go back to work in August. I'd only have a month at home. This sounds like a good chunk of time until you are really in it and are also "getting ready for school to start" at the same time you are trying to bond with a baby that did not grow in your body. I know that I would have started school exhausted and feeling like I got cheated from giving my undivided attention to this new little one. God knows the desires of our hearts, and that is evidenced by His plan in this situation. I did not even KNOW I felt this way, until we were told, "Not this time." It is lovely how God handles everything when I just give up control to Him. I am trying more and more to be still and do just that.
Today is Mother's Day. I am so thankful to "C", who made me a mother 8 short years ago. She did for me what medical science could not. She made me a mommy. I am thankful today for "S" who chose the other couple. Who are delighting in the fact that today holds a new meaning for them.....because their new baby is about 1 month away. I am thankful and in constant prayer for our "new" birthmother, where ever she is, who ever she is........we don't know one another yet....but we will soon......because I feel certain that our child has already been conceived and will be revealed to us in good time. I am thankful for my own mother, who spent this Mother's Day as her first without her 35 year old baby boy saying, "The Mom....Happy Mother's Day!" and to me, you know that "Mom loves me best!" (the running joke between the two of us), and for my sweet, sweet Granny, who's 78th birthday is today. And we pray that what makes her mind slip further away and confuses her more and more holds off for many more years.........I am thankful form my cousin Marc and his wife Crystal, who cautiously stand pregnant at 15 weeks, the longest she's ever carried to date, and whose every breath is careful and measured lest this baby goes to Heaven early like the others........and I am thankful for my many sweet friends, each on different legs of their journey into motherhood, and for those special bonds we share.
Proverbs 31:28-30 "Her children arise and call her blessed; her husband also, and he blesses her: 'Many women do noble things, but you surpass them all.' Charm is deceptive and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised. Give her the reward she has earned, and let her works bring her praise at the city gate."
Striving to do the noble thing Princess.......striving to do the noble thing...........
Friday, May 1, 2009
49 Days.....
Everyone has been asking me, "How's the adoption going?" which in and of itself is still kind of shocking....(I keep waiting for Brad to put the brakes on the whole show) and I have been quick to say that "Suzanne at the agency is worrying about it for me and that until I get THE CALL, I don't really have to worry about it." I don't mean that in a flippant way, I just mean that finally, someone other than me is dealing with the who, what, when, where, why and how of it all...... And that, until Suzanne calls, I just go on about my life with the Big Prince and the Little Prince and all of the school children, and making it 18 more school days until I am out for summer and can breathe......etc......
This week, my school offered to send me to a conference in July for National Board Certified Teachers, to the tune of 1500.00 (for free). I love love love going to teacher conferences. Especially on someone else's dime. Not sure if you are aware or not, but Alabama is currently under pro-ration, which means there is no money for anything. My super assistant principal (also a NBCT) even offered to fill out a good portion of the mountainous paperwork involved in procuring the funding. All I needed to do was give it the ol' John Hancock and we'd be out the door. The only problem was, everytime I thought about going, I got a little ill. Just sort of a dread and heavy feeling coming over me. I put it off to being tired and ready for school to be out. I tried to rationalize that no one looks a gift horse in the mouth. I tried to psych myself up. Then finally I realized that if I was dreading it this much, then something was telling me NOT to go.
So I told Mr. Assistant Principal that I was a no-go on the conference. Then, just this afternoon when I was on the phone to my "Yankee Friend" http://www.jensadoptionblessings.blogspot.com/
and fellow kindergarten teacher/infertility agonizer/adoption soul mate Jennifer telling her this whole ordeal, all the while saying, "I don't know if you'll be proud of me or mad at me...." (Jennifer loves a good deal and someone forking out 1500.00 bucks for me to go to a conference is right up her ally..) Guess what happened?.......Literally right in the middle of me saying that something was telling me NOT to go and Jennifer asking me if I thought it was a sign..........
THE CALL CAME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
49 days after "officially waiting" Suzanne called us to say that she'd be showing our book on Monday to a girl who is due in JUNE! A pregnant-girl with great health, with a supportive family and boyfriend, a college age, non-smoking, non-drinking, non-illegal drug using gonna have a baby in JUNE pregnant-girl......
Ready for more good news.....
When we filled out our adoption profile, one of the "choices" we checked was Asian/Caucasian (everyone knows of my not so secret desire to run straight to China to get a little girl. Or two. Or more). Suzanne point-blank said, "That NEVER happens...in Alabama." Oh. OK. Guess she knows, what with this being her business and all.....
Get this.........this girl with great health, with a supportive family and boyfriend, a college age, non-smoking, non-drinking, non-illegal drug using gonna have a baby in JUNE pregnant-girl......is 1/2 Asian, 1/2 Caucasian. The birth father is Caucasian. This baby (did I mention that he/she is due in JUNE???) will be 1/4 Asian. It may not be like going to China......but it might just be the closest you can get without leaving the state of Alabama! I already have a lot of information but in the interest of privacy cannot share it here. It is all extremely encouraging.....
So, Miss S will be shown our book and the book of another couple. It's a 50/50 shot. I should know something by Monday afternoon. Oh, and the baby....the one that is due in JUNE......we're not sure yet if it's a boy or a girl.......but it is due in JUNE! (Did I mention that today is MAY 1st????) :-) 49 days ago we were "officially waiting".....on day 53, we might really know something! And in less than 60 more days (if she's due the last day in JUNE) we might just have a new baby! Amazing how God works when you just sit back and wait. And trust. And pray. Every morning and middle of the night when I wake up from a dead sleep and wonder why?? I pray. Please bless our birthmother and the baby she carries, Lord. Even though we don't know her yet, Lord. You do. Bless her and giver her strength and comfort.
I just can't help but to see that tiny little girl with Asian features who has dominated my dreams all these years....who would have imagined that the thin red thread connecting us would not be measured in thousands of miles, but in less than two-hundred instead?
Oh! And to top that off, I got some more astounding news today that was a just a delight to my soul.....but THAT is a whole 'nother post! It does involve babies, and it is so BIG and so generous and so astounding that I might not be able to share it for a while. But I'll say this. Families come together in all kinds of ways, and you never know when you'll be entertaining angels, unaware. Oh, and also that a whole new group of words for related persons not living together might need to be coined......
Praying for grace and guidance Princess....grace and guidance......(and still not able to stop praying for pink)
This week, my school offered to send me to a conference in July for National Board Certified Teachers, to the tune of 1500.00 (for free). I love love love going to teacher conferences. Especially on someone else's dime. Not sure if you are aware or not, but Alabama is currently under pro-ration, which means there is no money for anything. My super assistant principal (also a NBCT) even offered to fill out a good portion of the mountainous paperwork involved in procuring the funding. All I needed to do was give it the ol' John Hancock and we'd be out the door. The only problem was, everytime I thought about going, I got a little ill. Just sort of a dread and heavy feeling coming over me. I put it off to being tired and ready for school to be out. I tried to rationalize that no one looks a gift horse in the mouth. I tried to psych myself up. Then finally I realized that if I was dreading it this much, then something was telling me NOT to go.
So I told Mr. Assistant Principal that I was a no-go on the conference. Then, just this afternoon when I was on the phone to my "Yankee Friend" http://www.jensadoptionblessings.blogspot.com/
and fellow kindergarten teacher/infertility agonizer/adoption soul mate Jennifer telling her this whole ordeal, all the while saying, "I don't know if you'll be proud of me or mad at me...." (Jennifer loves a good deal and someone forking out 1500.00 bucks for me to go to a conference is right up her ally..) Guess what happened?.......Literally right in the middle of me saying that something was telling me NOT to go and Jennifer asking me if I thought it was a sign..........
THE CALL CAME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
49 days after "officially waiting" Suzanne called us to say that she'd be showing our book on Monday to a girl who is due in JUNE! A pregnant-girl with great health, with a supportive family and boyfriend, a college age, non-smoking, non-drinking, non-illegal drug using gonna have a baby in JUNE pregnant-girl......
Ready for more good news.....
When we filled out our adoption profile, one of the "choices" we checked was Asian/Caucasian (everyone knows of my not so secret desire to run straight to China to get a little girl. Or two. Or more). Suzanne point-blank said, "That NEVER happens...in Alabama." Oh. OK. Guess she knows, what with this being her business and all.....
Get this.........this girl with great health, with a supportive family and boyfriend, a college age, non-smoking, non-drinking, non-illegal drug using gonna have a baby in JUNE pregnant-girl......is 1/2 Asian, 1/2 Caucasian. The birth father is Caucasian. This baby (did I mention that he/she is due in JUNE???) will be 1/4 Asian. It may not be like going to China......but it might just be the closest you can get without leaving the state of Alabama! I already have a lot of information but in the interest of privacy cannot share it here. It is all extremely encouraging.....
So, Miss S will be shown our book and the book of another couple. It's a 50/50 shot. I should know something by Monday afternoon. Oh, and the baby....the one that is due in JUNE......we're not sure yet if it's a boy or a girl.......but it is due in JUNE! (Did I mention that today is MAY 1st????) :-) 49 days ago we were "officially waiting".....on day 53, we might really know something! And in less than 60 more days (if she's due the last day in JUNE) we might just have a new baby! Amazing how God works when you just sit back and wait. And trust. And pray. Every morning and middle of the night when I wake up from a dead sleep and wonder why?? I pray. Please bless our birthmother and the baby she carries, Lord. Even though we don't know her yet, Lord. You do. Bless her and giver her strength and comfort.
I just can't help but to see that tiny little girl with Asian features who has dominated my dreams all these years....who would have imagined that the thin red thread connecting us would not be measured in thousands of miles, but in less than two-hundred instead?
Oh! And to top that off, I got some more astounding news today that was a just a delight to my soul.....but THAT is a whole 'nother post! It does involve babies, and it is so BIG and so generous and so astounding that I might not be able to share it for a while. But I'll say this. Families come together in all kinds of ways, and you never know when you'll be entertaining angels, unaware. Oh, and also that a whole new group of words for related persons not living together might need to be coined......
Praying for grace and guidance Princess....grace and guidance......(and still not able to stop praying for pink)
Friday, April 10, 2009
Babies.....that's right....two!
Now before you go and get all excited, they are not MY babies (though maybe that call will come from the agency!) but the newly conceived 9 weeks ago twins that my sweet school teacher friend Tracie and her husband announced today! We got to see a whole little album of them from their sonogram shots. I could clearly see the head, spine, arm and leg buds, tummy....times two! They are floating blissfully in their mommy's tummy right now and she is so grateful! We shared hugs, tears and laughter today at school. It really did my heart good. Tracie and her husband have tried to conceive for a long time. I have prayed for her and worried about her and today....it was all worth while! It is just so much sweeter when you know someone who has struggled and then in an instant, all of that pain can vanish with a little + on a pregnancy test!
On to our baby news.....month one of the wait.....no one has seen our book yet. They have had a few ladies come to them but the demographic was not what we had indicated in our profile. So she said not to worry. It is early yet. I am glad to be making progress. Moving forward. And having someone else do the worrying for me. My friend Janet says that someone is pregnant right now....but they just have not decided to place their baby yet. And when they do, our album will be waiting for them to see.
Today is Good Friday. We are finally on Spring Break. I am tired. I have been exhausted. I still am. But today....today was a good day. Little children hunting eggs in the warm windy day, running willy nilly all over the playground. New life (times two), so desperately wanted.....and a break from this job that I love so much, but was so weary of as of late....
The Little Prince is off to an egg hunt tomorrow with a friend and I may take the first of many naps....
Time to rest Princess......time to rest......
On to our baby news.....month one of the wait.....no one has seen our book yet. They have had a few ladies come to them but the demographic was not what we had indicated in our profile. So she said not to worry. It is early yet. I am glad to be making progress. Moving forward. And having someone else do the worrying for me. My friend Janet says that someone is pregnant right now....but they just have not decided to place their baby yet. And when they do, our album will be waiting for them to see.
Today is Good Friday. We are finally on Spring Break. I am tired. I have been exhausted. I still am. But today....today was a good day. Little children hunting eggs in the warm windy day, running willy nilly all over the playground. New life (times two), so desperately wanted.....and a break from this job that I love so much, but was so weary of as of late....
The Little Prince is off to an egg hunt tomorrow with a friend and I may take the first of many naps....
Time to rest Princess......time to rest......
Saturday, April 4, 2009
Back Among the Living....
Today the Little Prince had a baseball game at the un-imaginable hour of 8:30 am on a Saturday. It was a bit chilly but a nice start to the day. The Blue Angels are in town today, flying around overhead. Quite amazing. And, because everyone was at the Blue Angles show, I could zip around town with no traffic what-so-ever!
After the game (which they won, by the way) we went to Sam's for dog food, cleaning supplies, and printer cartridges for the school printer. I tried to make it to the end of the year with the cartridge I have now....but Friday, it bit the dust. Right in the middle of printing a very important document. Why don't they make black cartridges twice as large as the colored ones....Oh.well. That will be one less thing I have to purchase in August when school starts back.
Spring Break is in 5 school days. I just might live.
After dropping Big and Little off at home, I went to a favorite, yet seldom visited, refuge...the Public Library. I need to make time to go more often. It is soothing to me to wander about the stacks, peeking and poking into lives (real and imaginary) that are not my own. Perhaps that is why I like reading other people's blogs. :-) I spent the better part of my youth in the library. I used to read the encyclopedias when I ran out of things to read at home. Shutting my eyes and randomly selecting a volume and reading the interesting bits.....cover to cover....Brandon and I were always really great at trivia....me, from the encyclopedias....it just came naturally for him...
Since today was the first Saturday of the month, I grabbed on of my lovely re-usable grocery bags (last year's New Year's resolution) purchased from Delight.com, and wandered over to the Friends Bookstore. This little niche is a bookstore for discarded books, donated books, etc...and is attached to the library. Today was Stuff a Sack Saturday!
If it is one thing I love love love....it's books! I stuffed my quite ample sack full of bits of fluff and serious reads and paid $15 for the whole I-could-barely-carry-it-because-it-was-so-full thing! I love Stuff a Sack Saturdays! I can take the books to the pool or beach and not have to worry about messing them up with sunscreen or returning them on time. I read so fast that I rarely purchase new books (unless they are for my class library). So, I go to Stuff a Sack days, fill up my gargantuan shopping bag and read til my heart is content. I spent the entire rest of the day on the sofa in the playroom and I read an entire book.....oh, and I took an incredibly long nap. I feel almost human again.
In a week or so, I'll gather up the books I've read and drop them off in the drop box at the Friends Bookstore. They will sell them all over again! The ones I just love get passed on to friends or stuffed in my ever-overflowing bookshelves. The others, back to Friends so they can resell them to other book lovers. Brillant! I love this process. It's sorta like my own personal Netflix for books.
I also turned the iphone to silent and left it in the kitchen. I checked out of the world today until about 7 pm. Nice. When I came up from the basement playroom (where I had napped and read a way the day) I caught a glimpse of Grayson's moses basket in the guest room....just waiting for our new baby......I smiled. We are going to have another baby. Sooner rather than later.....
Today also marks the 7 month anniversary of my brother's death. My parents were "normal" when I talked to them today. I know that none of us have forgotten, but they were not hysterical today and for that I am thankful. It's the burden of being an only child that I do not want for myself or my own child.....Life is too involved to have to make decisions on your own. I dread the time when I have to make decisions about my parents and Brandon is not here to back me up or help me. When I think about it, I pretend I am Scarlett and push it away to deal with on another day. I know that "another day" is coming but I pray it is far away and that I will feel like an adult when it gets here....
Daddy is actually looking online at condos on the Gulf. An on again off again dream of his......maybe it is time.....
Currently, Big is grilling hamburgers and Little is watching Bolt....and I am having a rare "big Girl" drink...and right now.....I............I can finally breathe.............for now..............
a whole lotta thankful today Princess.....a whole lotta thankful...............
After the game (which they won, by the way) we went to Sam's for dog food, cleaning supplies, and printer cartridges for the school printer. I tried to make it to the end of the year with the cartridge I have now....but Friday, it bit the dust. Right in the middle of printing a very important document. Why don't they make black cartridges twice as large as the colored ones....Oh.well. That will be one less thing I have to purchase in August when school starts back.
Spring Break is in 5 school days. I just might live.
After dropping Big and Little off at home, I went to a favorite, yet seldom visited, refuge...the Public Library. I need to make time to go more often. It is soothing to me to wander about the stacks, peeking and poking into lives (real and imaginary) that are not my own. Perhaps that is why I like reading other people's blogs. :-) I spent the better part of my youth in the library. I used to read the encyclopedias when I ran out of things to read at home. Shutting my eyes and randomly selecting a volume and reading the interesting bits.....cover to cover....Brandon and I were always really great at trivia....me, from the encyclopedias....it just came naturally for him...
Since today was the first Saturday of the month, I grabbed on of my lovely re-usable grocery bags (last year's New Year's resolution) purchased from Delight.com, and wandered over to the Friends Bookstore. This little niche is a bookstore for discarded books, donated books, etc...and is attached to the library. Today was Stuff a Sack Saturday!
If it is one thing I love love love....it's books! I stuffed my quite ample sack full of bits of fluff and serious reads and paid $15 for the whole I-could-barely-carry-it-because-it-was-so-full thing! I love Stuff a Sack Saturdays! I can take the books to the pool or beach and not have to worry about messing them up with sunscreen or returning them on time. I read so fast that I rarely purchase new books (unless they are for my class library). So, I go to Stuff a Sack days, fill up my gargantuan shopping bag and read til my heart is content. I spent the entire rest of the day on the sofa in the playroom and I read an entire book.....oh, and I took an incredibly long nap. I feel almost human again.
In a week or so, I'll gather up the books I've read and drop them off in the drop box at the Friends Bookstore. They will sell them all over again! The ones I just love get passed on to friends or stuffed in my ever-overflowing bookshelves. The others, back to Friends so they can resell them to other book lovers. Brillant! I love this process. It's sorta like my own personal Netflix for books.
I also turned the iphone to silent and left it in the kitchen. I checked out of the world today until about 7 pm. Nice. When I came up from the basement playroom (where I had napped and read a way the day) I caught a glimpse of Grayson's moses basket in the guest room....just waiting for our new baby......I smiled. We are going to have another baby. Sooner rather than later.....
Today also marks the 7 month anniversary of my brother's death. My parents were "normal" when I talked to them today. I know that none of us have forgotten, but they were not hysterical today and for that I am thankful. It's the burden of being an only child that I do not want for myself or my own child.....Life is too involved to have to make decisions on your own. I dread the time when I have to make decisions about my parents and Brandon is not here to back me up or help me. When I think about it, I pretend I am Scarlett and push it away to deal with on another day. I know that "another day" is coming but I pray it is far away and that I will feel like an adult when it gets here....
Daddy is actually looking online at condos on the Gulf. An on again off again dream of his......maybe it is time.....
Currently, Big is grilling hamburgers and Little is watching Bolt....and I am having a rare "big Girl" drink...and right now.....I............I can finally breathe.............for now..............
a whole lotta thankful today Princess.....a whole lotta thankful...............
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