Tuesdays @ 5:15....for the next 7 years

You know, it's interesting that for a girl who hates math I have a lot of numerical posts.....I may have to look into that.....I'm sure it means something......just wish it would tell why I cannot for the life of me balance a checkbook.....sigh....

Today, at 6:45 am....at 7 months and one day, my sweet little Princess learned to crawl...we all got to see her do it for the first time. She crawled from her dragonfly blanket across the rug, over the hardwood and onto the carpet in my bedroom...and them promptly begin pulling magazines out of the basket on the floor! She was so happy and excited. We were excited that we all got to see her. Precious.

It's interesting that whenever the little prince learned to do new things I was always more sad than happy.....oh, I was glad that he learned the new skill, but I was worried that "this might be the last "first time" I get to see him do blah blah...." I did not feel that way this morning. I was proud of my little monkey-girl, and a little sad that she's not going to be a baby for very long...but I was OK with accepting the new phase......and those of you who know, know that this girl is NOT a fan of CHANGE....no ma'am....not at all....maybe I'm growing up....

This afternoon I took the Princess to Kindermusic. The little Prince went from 6 months to 7 years, every Tuesday at 5:15 with Miss Laura. My Princess loved the Kindermusic....loved playing with the babies, loved the blue stuffed rooster with crinkly wings that came home with us to live in toyland...loved the "shakey-shake" eggs (the little Prince's favorite also). Miss Laura has moved on....there is a "new Miss Laura".....I think her name might be Miss Erin......and she has a lovely voice. She was fun and enthusiastic with the babies....but I kept thinking that "she wasn't doing it right"....The little room is the same. I remember when they painted the bears and the tractor and the Big AL on the walls....the items are still in the same places on the shelves....there are still Mommies and babies....singing and playing together. All that's missing is Miss Laura.....

I may or may not have gotten a little teary eyed on the way home....at the end of each class we sing, "Hey everybody, it's time to say Good-Bye, Hey everybody, it's time to say Good-Bye, Hey everybody, it's time to say Good-Bye....Good-Bye to Noah Good-Bye" and we sing goodbye around the room.....the tune was the same.....the inflection was different....I missed Miss Laura.......

Maybe I'll get used to the new Miss Laura.....I might even learn her name.....and it will be good that the Little Prince has his Kindermusic teacher and the Princess has hers.....making new memories and all....and maybe this mommy who waited so long to experience all of those little "firsts" all over again can learn to sing the same song in a different key.....after all, I've got 7 more years, every Tuesday at 5:15........surely I'll get the hang of it Princess.....surely I will......

12 Days.....and 7 months

It's coming at me again full force, heralded by the headline banner on the top of the sports page of the paper.....12 days til kickoff.....12 days......12 days...in 12days it will be September 4....and that means 2 years since my sweet Brandon left this earth. In some ways it feels like a million years, and in some ways it was just yesterday. I still remember in vivid detail so many things about that whole day, (well actually what I remember in vivid detail is what happened on September 3). Brandon died in the early early morning hours of September 4th....and most of the rest of that day is just a blur.....

They say that time heals all wounds. I don't really know if that is true. I do know that on most days now it is easier to breathe than it was all of last year. I know that I see dragonflies almost everyday and that they make me smile and I know it is a sign from Brandon that everything is OK. I know that I can think of him and mention him to my parents and we can laugh about something he did or said and that the conversation does not always end in tears. So, I guess some of what they say about healing is true. However, I also know that I'll see a random picture of Brandon and out of the blue my breath catches and I can FEEL him there in front of me. I want to touch the picture and FEEL his strong arms. My hands remember how his skin felt...and my heart breaks.in.two.....all over again. And when that happens, I think that they were wrong.....time does not heal the wounds......it just makes you cope a little better this year than you did the in the past....and I know that in 12 days we (my parents and I) will have the unmistakable horror of remembering it all over again.....

And today.....today my baby is 7 months old. My second miracle.....my little princess....when I look at her I know that I am blessed. I am in awe everyday when I wake up and she is here. I prayed for her for so very long...and she was SO.WORTH.THE.WAIT....I don't know what I thought she would look like before she came, but I can tell you now that when I see her....I know that she is the absolute realization of all of my hopes and dreams. This time last year, I was in mourning over the impending one year anniversary of Brandon's death. I thought life was over. Brandon on the other hand, was having a heyday in Heaven......and I am pretty sure he was watching over our sweet girl...whispering to her and telling her what a fairytale life she was about to have....

I would not know about her existance for another 3 months...but I prayed for her everyday. And I do know this....this past year with her, has made the past year without Brandon just a little more bearable......

Numbers.......

Today is July 22.........

23 years ago today Brandon was 14 years old. He was 6ft. 2 inches and weighed 220 pounds.

23 years ago today he was in the accident that robbed him of his childhood, his innocence.......and his ability to walk......

in 5 days it will be July 27.......

2 years from the day that Brandon went to the hospital for yet another surgery (too many by now to count)to repair something else gone wrong from that heinous accident......

in 6 weeks, the 2 year anniversary of his death will sucker punch us in the stomach once again......

Saturday he should be attending the class reunion of the graduating class of 1990 with his sweet wife Jada.....but he won't be......because he was taken from us way too soon.....and on Saturday, Jada will become someone else's sweet wife.......

Numbers............It's all about the numbers Princess....all about the numbers.....and I for one, always hated math........

Remembering...........

It's been a while since I have written on the blog. I've been doing some writing of other sorts. Sorority recommendations, student teacher intern recommendations, letters of support for friends trying to get jobs....and then, last week I was contaced by a classmate of my brothers. The class of 1990 is having their class reunion and they wanted a few words about Brandon for their booklet. It took a lot out of me. It was harder to write than I thought. I went over the few paragraphs they requested, but I don't think they'll mind.

How can you sum up someone who was larger than life in just a few words? It's impossible. My parents and I have been invited to the ceremony at the school on Sunday. We won't be able to go, neither physically, nor emotionally. When they contacted my mother to do the write up and get pictures, she broke down. It's still too hard. Too hurtful, too unfair that life is going on and Brandon is not. I still pretend that he's on vacation. When I am forced to remember that he is really gone, the breath gets sucked out of my lungs and my heart feels like is is breaking in two.

Here's what I wrote for the reunion. Have a great time Class of 1990. Boo is smiling down on you.....(and if you put your beer down and in a second or two it's half gone......don't say that I didn't warn you!)

Smiling through the tears Princess....smiling through the tears.....

After graduating from high school and attending classes at ICC and The University of Alabama, Brandon Berry worked for Belmont Homes for many years and then for our daddy at the farm in Belmont.
Most people would have been content to stay at home after an accident as severe as Brandon’s, but most people were not as determined as Brandon. From the time he got hurt in May of 1987 until he died in September of 2008, Brandon was a contradiction in terms. Initially, (and for months following the accident) the doctors were not even convinced he would live, much less live to go on to college, to hold a job, to get married (twice!) and to have a full and rewarding life. Everything they told us he would NOT be able to do…..he did do. He surpassed the expectations of the medical community, but not those of the people who loved him. His first wheelchair was built and guaranteed to last a lifetime. Brandon went through more than 20 wheelchairs! The amazing thing is that I really don’t think that people noticed the wheelchair as much as they just “saw” Brandon.
There wasn’t anything he couldn’t drive, from Caterpillar bulldozers to golf carts and there wasn’t much that he could not fix when it was broken. He liked his music loud and he liked to drive fast….especially across the bottoms……Not having his legs did not slow him down. If anything, it made him more determined to prove to the people who doubted him that they were wrong. We always had to be careful when saying that something could not be done, unless Brandon take it as a personal challenge. He did not know the meaning of the word “can’t”.
Brandon loved raising and training his Labrador Retrievers: Curry, Oprah, Eli Gold, Samson, and Dixie. He was happiest when he had a house full of friends and he rarely met a stranger. He had a tender heart and hated to see anyone cry. He was a Mason and loved learning about the history of that group. He enjoyed grilling and cooking (he was a secret Martha Stewart fan), watching NASCAR and Alabama football, watching stand-up comedy and movies and drinking a cold beer (or a few!) He loved Lynyrd Skynyrd and thought “Sweet Home Alabama” should be the National Anthem. He even elevated napping to a hobby. He loved being known as “Boo”. He was able to forgive quickly, but would never forget. He always had a smile on his face and would laugh until the tears rolled. He put the parental lock on our parent’s satellite more than once, just blocking out the western channel and HSN….just for the fun of it (because our parents could not unlock it). Brandon always built all of the toys at Christmas. He rode a million miles on his Polaris with his Labs at his side. He was generous and kind and loved his family and friends with all of his heart. Many people, guys and girls alike, counted Brandon as their best friend. He would give you the shirt off of his back and the last dollar from his wallet if he thought you needed it more that he did.
He would drive our mother crazy by cutting the sleeves out of almost every shirt he owned, and would call it “dressing up” when he attended a function wearing a shirt with sleeves. In his honor, the pallbearers at his funeral cut the sleeves out of their shirts at the cemetery. I know Brandon was laughing at that gesture. He talked to our parents on the phone or in person every day and was notorious for coining phrases that over the years have become part of our family vocabulary. He was my constant…..my rock…my safe place to land. He loved his nephew, (my son) Grayson and taught him to ride the four-wheeler, among other things. To this day, Grayson still changes gears with his hand…..just like Uncle Brandon showed him. It never occurred to Grayson that he could change the gears with his feet!
Brandon was always larger than life. He was an amazing survivor. It always seemed that there wasn’t anything he could not do. That’s why it was such a shock when he became so sick, so quickly, after his abdominal surgery in July of 2008. Brandon’s life ran out before Brandon was done with life. He died in the early morning hours of September 4, 2008 surrounded by his wife Jada, his family and close friends. To this day I cannot believe he is gone and there is a hole in my soul that can only be filled when I hear him call me “Seester” once again.
Brandon would give anything to be here in person with you at this reunion. But I can promise you this…. He is here. If you look for it, you’ll see something, or hear something that will remind you of him….. and when you do, say “Hey Boo!”….he’ll hear you…..you can count on it.
So, the next time you hear Sweet Home Alabama, or watch the Tide play….the next time you have a cold brew, or drive across the Red Bay bottoms really fast with the windows down and the wind in your hair…the next time you settle into the recliner on a hot summer day with the air conditioner on high to take that Sunday afternoon nap, the next time you laugh until you cannot catch your breath and tears are streaming down your face…..remember Brandon…………and maybe you’ll savor those things for just a small moment more…….just a little………just for him……and when you do, say “Hey Boo…..this one is for you!”…………you can bet he’ll appreciate it…….and I know that he’ll tell you “thank you” when he sees you again. He’ll be waiting……don’t look for the chair ‘cause he’s going to be STANDING at the gate with a big smile on his face…………..now THAT will be a reunion……don’t you think?

Back from a Break

And we are back! I made the blog private for a while at the request of a friend who was going through a difficult situation. Those issues, while not quite resolved, are on hold, so to speak, for a while....

and so..........

we are back in the bloggity business....

and for your viewing pleasure....

some photos of The Little Princess, who will be 4 months old on Sunday. Another wonderful thing about Sunday.....I'll only have 5 more school days left in this year.....

Better get ready for my first summer as a mommy of two, Princess, better get ready...........

Who Knew.............

that exactly one year ago I would start the blog, and that exactly one year later, our little Princess is exactly one month old? I kid you not! February 21, 2009 was my first ever blog post.....February 23, 2010 - the littlest princess is fully ingrained into our lives........

It's some kind of wonderful......

and my Heart? My Spirit? My Soul?............

Content.....

finally, Princess....finally

Proudly Presenting....

our little Princess..........