Tuesday, November 17, 2009

Undone.............

Today by a small miracle, I heard/felt my phone buzzing in my teacher bag at 3:00. No small feat, given the school that I work in has metal support studs and a metal roof. I am lucky if I can get a signal standing right outside the building....

Anyway, my Aunt Joy was on the line......"Do you still want a baby?" she says to me when I answer....."Always" was my immediate reply.

Deana (her daughter, my cousin) has a friend whose daughter is pregnant, in labor and does not want to raise the baby. She's already had one that her mother is raising....."Give me Deana's phone number!" I cut Aunt Joy off in mid sentence....

Grab a post it pad and pen and out the door to the sidewalk I go. Call Deana. Get the scoop.

"T" is not due til the end of December. The baby is a GIRL. Having contractions. 1 cm dilated, wants to make an adoption plan. Has no idea how to do so.

Give Deana all the details to relay to "T" and her mother who is raising the first-born. "T's" mom is all in on the adoption plan....Deana relays information and passes the phone number of "D" ("T's" mother and the new baby's grandmother) Grandmother "D" asks that I wait til she gets to the hospital and finds out what is what before I call. She does really want to talk to me.....

It is now 8:30 pm. Have texted Deana back and forth. She's texted grandma "D" and has not heard back. We do not know if the baby is coming or if they have stopped labor. The pregnancy calendar says that she should be about 33 weeks and that the lungs "should be" developed..... I cannot bear to call and interrupt and cannot bear to wait for the all clear to call.....

I am coming undone.....

Last night (ahemm. this morning) I only slept from 2:30 am-5:45 am. I wondered why. Now I know. Quite possibly I was in labor. :-) Damn adoptions. That's the thing.....you don't get 9 months. Sometimes you just get a heartbeat, a moment in time, a phone call away and then you are on the slippery slope to what if...........

Could this be it? Could it be? I am coming undone.......

But for now, this Princess with grit in her eyes from lack of sleep is taking the post it note pad, the pen and the phone, and is doing what any woman in waiting does.....she's going to bed.....(but not before she's charged the camera, gotten the moses basket and the few little girl clothes and blankets ready to grab at a moments notice, remembered where the infant car seat is stored, and mentally arranged her packing list, googled the city where "T" lives (one state away), all the while saying lots of prayers.....

No matter how this one turns out...........there's a baby coming......and she needs our prayers.........

Cause the story of where she'll be raised has already been written Princess.....it's already been written.....

3 comments:

  1. You know how I want the story to end... I can't imagine a more perfect early Thanksgiving wish come true!!!! Thanks for letting me come along for the ride!!!!

    Love you!!!

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  2. Praying that YOU are the end to this sweet ones story!

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  3. Hi there, I was introduced to you by Clemsongirl, as my partner for the Christmas swap this year. I feel blessed to be coming into your life at this time! I pray that this sweet baby girl finds her way to your home.

    Michelle in Gurnee, IL

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