Saturday, July 11, 2009

Countdown..........

Every morning, bright and early, I read through the paper while The Big Prince and The Little Prince are asleep. Lately, something that would usually make me giddy with excitement has been making me get that I.Can't.Breathe.Feeling......

It's the countdown to kickoff in the sports section. Normally, I would be getting my Alabama Crimson Tide gear out. I would be crankin' up the fight song and Sweet Home Alabama on my iPod. I would be calling my parents and my brother every.other.day to give them the, "It's fifty-eleven days till kickoff!" report.

However, all I can seem to do lately is think about the fact that one year ago, Brandon only had 60-ish days left to live. On July 27th, it will be one year to the day that my mother called me to tell me that Brandon was in the hospital and that the doctor was going to have to operate.......right away.......and I could tell by her tone that this was not like all the other times....she was scared. She was uncertain. She was worried. She had that mother's intuition that something was not right..........

So in reality, this countdown in my head, made concrete each morning by the sports page, is SHOUTING to me that there are only sixteen days left until July 27.........sixteen days.........sixteen days will make a year since my sweet brother's life as he knew it.......would come to an abrupt halt......in sixteen days it will be a year since he drove (yes, even in pain, he insisted on driving himself to the hospital), sixteen days since he had the last real conversation with my parents, or my sweet sister in law, Jada.....sixteen days makes a year that we trusted he'd come through this surgery just fine. Just as he had done all the other times.......

The reality is that Brandon did live through the surgery, but never really recovered. His fight ended on September 4, at about 3:30 am....surrounded by his wife and our parents, his great
in-laws and his friends and aunts and uncles and me......

Sixteen days will be the marker...July 27th. That will start the countdown over to September 4th. And that will be the end of the longest year of my life........and start the beginning of the next longest year.........year two without my blue eyed, gentle giant........sometimes I wonder how we will ever survive.......

they keep saying it will get better Princess.....they say it will.......

(but I'm not really sure I believe them..........not sure at all................)

1 comment:

  1. My heart is breaking for you!!!! I wish there was something I could say or do to ease your pain. Our God is wonderful and I just know he has huge blessings in your future!!! I am here for you, as always!!!

    ReplyDelete